My four walls

I sit here this evening in my cold empty apartment, stillness envelopes me. My walls remain empty of all personal mementos that recall the years where life seemed simple and grand. Though I moved to this place five months ago you would think walking in this evening I moved in two weeks ago.

I stepped into a neighbors home a few nights ago just to check in on her. Somehow over the weekend Christmas threw up in her apartment. An oversized fake tree sat in the corner brightly light and impeccably decorated with silver and gold balls. Greenery gently hung across her fireplace mantel putting off the scent of pine. Thru the French-doors the world stood still outside. Empty trees. Crisp leaves blowing. Footprints of snow from a few days earlier.

There inside her four walls I could barely find a place to sit. Years of Christmas memories spilled out of a green Rubbermaid container placed on the wood floor. Her next decision was finding a shelf or end-table to place knick-knacks on. It seemed there was a place for everything. It would only be a few more hours before the container sat empty ready to be stored on a top shelf in a closet next to some frumpy old sweaters.

Christmas was huge growing up and I loved everything about it. I recall the years of celebrating the family tradition of putting up the biggest live tree we could find that year. Never once did we succumb to being Wal-Mart consumers picking out a tree in a box. Some things were never meant for a box....like wine. The family tradition centered on decorating the tree with our personal ornaments, drinking eggnog and concluding the night with a few Christmas carols as a family. Thinking back I don't know how I managed to get thru that one night without laughing hysterically and upsetting my parents. All my ornaments to this day are still at home packed amongst the family Christmas decorations. Tradition in the family says that once I get married I will inherit all my ornaments for my own tree. In the meantime here I sit with no evidence of the holiday that looms over us.

I'll be home in a few days to start the annual festivities of putting up the tree. As a young adult now I'd rather sit on the couch with cider in hand, and point out all flaws of the tree and the placement of everyone's ornaments. I'll also be griping to my brother that he isn't putting up the lights correctly. Last year I tried hiding my ornaments hoping I didn't have to put them on the needled branches. However, I gave in and hung up half my ornaments for one week before bubble wrapping and packaging them for the next 359 days.

Maybe this year I can announce a fake engagement in order to bring the ornaments back to Oklahoma. I could store them here on a top shelf next to some unpacked boxes and pull them out next year in time for the holidays. But then again, I’ll have nothing to hang the ornaments on except these empty walls. Plus I’d have to find something else to do to in order to shake up my mother a bit causing her some grief over my love/hate relationship with my ornaments